So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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