So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize