Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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