In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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