im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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