Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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