Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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