Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
