We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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