Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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