Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stole a fireplace last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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