why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
BRING THE BAGELS
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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