idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize