did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
