when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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