Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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