There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
