Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
