So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
