I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
