Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
