I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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