She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
