Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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