Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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