u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
