just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
