My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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