Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize