there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
