Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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