Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As shirtless as possible
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
