I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
