I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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