Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
