You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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