WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
