There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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