dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
