I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
