Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just google imaged poop.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
