You can't motorboat a personality
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
