He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
