What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
