I bet he comes in French.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
