so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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