i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
