Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
