you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
