I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
