Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
