If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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