what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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