Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
