Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
