my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
do nipples grow back?
Randomize