Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize