It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
