you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
