***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
