you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
