don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
