There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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