Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
