the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
