well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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