I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did i walk over a car last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
